Feel

When you hear my name

Each phonic should claw the walls of your mind

Stab your memory

It must hurt thinking about me

When I walk past you

I hope my scent grabs you by the throat

And drags you on the thorned road of reminiscence

It must hurt to miss me

I hope that when you’re near me

Your liver fails

Because you’re drunk on glasses full of pathetic and ashamed

It must hurt to be close to me

When you see me

I hope your eyes set on fire

Because maybe if you’re blind, you’d finally see

And your tears become ice

Because maybe if you let go all the coldness within, maybe you’d feel again

It must cause wars to look at me

24 August 2015

She came into my room

Anger protruding from her eyes

Threw up her beauty on my floor

Pity it didn’t even fill up the space in my room

She was shallow

As you spoke your hurtful words

That leaped in the distance in between

Like claws, they scraped through my chest

And stole my voice

I was speechless

She spoke monologues

With her monotonous screeching

About the pain she’s in, never once admitting to the pain she caused.

She shouted her empty apologies

That hit my ceiling like unanswered prayers

Shattered, and fell on my mind

The same mind I should’ve used before crossing your path

I write all my poems using my spinal fluid

I give them a backbone –

Something, you’ll never know how to use.

Running.

I’m on a treadmill of nostalgia

I keep running our lines over and over again

Wondering where we went wrong

What did I say to you that made you choose a different part?

I have to tie myself to the edges of my pride

So I do not fall for you every time I see you.

I have to shove my excitement down my throat

So my love doesn’t announce itself every time it meets your eyes

I think of you till I become unconscious

I’ve been writing about you ever since I’ve met you

I’ve been hoping that these words crawl out of the page

And hold your hand gently when you feel anxious

And kiss your lips softly when you’re unsure

And stare into your eyes deeply when you’re doubtful

But you already have all of that.

To you my words are

Forgettable

Insignificant

I keep running on the treadmill of longing that I have for you.

Hurt.

I do not think you’re beautiful anymore

In fact I hope that when you see this

My words jump out from this page

And strangle you.

Why did you write me a poem and leave me?

I hope that when you see this

My words come alive

And rip you apart.

How dare you talk about woman empowerment?

Yet you refuse to acknowledge my femininity

Is it because I love woman and suddenly that makes me a man?

You’re disrespectful; I hope that when you see this

The words transform into an AK47

And shoot you in the spine

You never used your backbone anyway.

Breathe baby, Breathe

breathe baby, breathe,
All that life you sucked out of me.
I’ve lost pieces of myself from being dragged on the road
That you strung me along
Now it’s convenient to forget about me?
And pretend I do not exist!
But trust me
I loved you, deeply
And someday when you’re lonely
I will creep into your thoughts
And every part of your soul will ache for me
You will remember how I gave up being loved to love you
I chose you
No-one has ever chosen you.
I do not even want your love
You don’t even have any left
You poured it all in the cups of greedy people
Who drank, but never tasted.

Intense.

You transcend the physical
You’re a table away,
Yet I find it so hard to breathe
How are you so beautiful?

The contours of your face
Conspire to create the most gorgeous smile I have ever seen
And when you spoke it was as if your voice gave life to all that is around you
As if everything is grey and you are colour- my favourite colour

I swear sunlight was poured into your skin
And intimacy into your voice
You’re like magic- thrilling and enchanting
You’re all my favourite things put together

The feelings you provoke within me are intense
You could set me ablaze
You’re a beautiful kind of light, a bright one
And even though it’s painful looking at you sometimes, there’s a thrill that comes with the blindness of staring at your light for too long.

I treasure the seldom moments of looking into your beautiful eyes
I often think about having a conversation with you
Without your insecurities
Without your lies
Without your fears
Without limitation
And wonder what your soul feels like without your facades
I want to know if your pain tastes as good as your kindness
I want to be sweeter than your solitude
I want to know your loss and love you so hard that everything you’ve ever lost will come back to you.

She and Her

She
I fell in love with her depth
Her eyes without mascara
Her cold lips. Her coldness
Her existence
The way she carried her pain
The way she pronounced boogie as booger
The adventure of being in love with her and all that she was
But she belonged to this world, and pain was her middle name
She was made of thorns,
Every touch to my heart felt like a stab.
She was the most beautiful being
And none of her beauty could be owed to her physical appearance
She was beautiful deep down to her soul
Beauty flowed in her veins

Her
The abnormal intelligence
A powerful voice that grew silent in my presence
Her love for me was unlanguagable
I fell in love with her for no reason at all
I craved her in the corners of my conscience
And yearned for her in the gaps of my immorality
But her love was fire, which not even she could control
Her intention was to provide warmth
But she would often burn anyone who came into contact
Her love was painful, her love killed me.
And tonight I died silently in her presence
And every day I see her and,
I steal glances of a face that won’t even meet my eyes.

She was too broken
Her love was too consuming
She does not know how to love
Her love pierced me
She didn’t intend on hurting me
Her intentions are never clear anyway

Beautiful

Beautiful
A nine letter word too vague to contain you
Trying to minimize my feelings
But how can I lie when instead
Of ink, I poured my passion into this pen
How can I lie about you when
My mind knows your smile so well
It can mentally reproduce it, even in your absence.

I fell in love with you the day I pulled you
Out to see something as beautiful as you –
The moon and the stars
I realized that the moon was simply a reflection of beauty
And had I not known that scientifically it reflects the sun, I would have thought it was a reflection of you.
But that night it did reflect you.

And even though you possess an irresistible pulchritude
It something much more stronger that is pulling me towards you
Something more than the rollercoaster ride and the adrenalin rush that comes from being with you

It’s like you’re always in your own world
And you have your own gravitational force and it,
Feels much more stronger than the one keeping me placed on this earth

I will pour my feelings for you
Into a glass and serve them to you
It’ll probably be one the best drinks you’ll ever drink
And I hope this drink makes you dizzy
And I hope it makes you drunk,
And I hope it makes you impulsive,
And I hope it makes you let go of everyone who has ever hurt you
And I hope it makes you drop all the facades
Enough to realize that you’re an angel on this earth and I can give you heaven